In Her Majesty's Name - Monkey Island

It was more than rumour. Mick the One Armed, One Eyed, sexually predatorial pirate was in Port Royale. More than that he had coin, so much he had contracted a depraved crew and even paid for the ministrations of the lowly strumpets and pox-ridden rent boys that were his penchant. 

Something was deeply amiss ... 

(In IHMN terms, this game consisted of 3 warbands. 

Each had a Captain (+3 FV, +2 SV Sword, Pistol or Assegai - 3+ Pluck), 

a 1st Mate (+2 FV and SV, Sword, Pistol or Assegai. 4+ Pluck) and 

9 crew (+1 FV and SV with Sword/Spear and Musket/Pistol, 5+ Pluck.) 

Only the Captain and 1st mate could swim.)

It took little time to uncover that his continual odyssey to plunge to the deepest abyss of human degradation had borne unexpected fruit. Mick had uncovered a syrupy substance more precious than ambergris. The more mentally aberrant members of his crew readily divulged Mick's secrets and his dark perversions ... but - to the misfortune of a good many - these were already well known. 

Mick set sail to an island normally shunned by all sane men - Monkey Island! This was home to simians of prodigious size whose lusts surpassed even the rapacious hunger of Mick. Somehow, he had divined methods to extract their male viscous bounty which was highly prized by alchemists. 

Mick was pursued by Abudullah. the Slaving Bastard. and also King B'Donga. the Cannibal Chief of the M'Bopo River. Each had their own ways to extract the luxuriant liquid - using pheromone grenades and whistles to mimic she-apes in the dire throws of heat. Further, a corpulent idol depicting a voluptuous feminine form was the subject of the Great Apes repeated advances. King B'Dongo hoped debased, lascivious dancing before this idol would produce the required effects. 

The slaving bastards heaved to on their oars, plying the shark infested waters. One boat headed for the isle of the Great Ape (Kong) while the other headed for the island of lesser beasts. However, dark legends told that this bejungled rock was home to a brute more bestial than any creature ... 

... the sadistic Mongo!

Slavers struck forth blowing whistles. Soon the foliage resounded with the hoots of aroused monsters. 

The cannibals surge onto the Isle of the Great Ape. 

Several cannibals discharged their muskets in a long range duel with Mick's pirates. 

Mick's pirates amassed on the lesser island. 

Then, a savage and turgid ape burst from the shrubbery showering spunk as he gibbered victoriously at the accomplishment of his passion.  

Elsewhere, natives writhed in lascivious coils before the corpulent mistress. The Great Ape (Kong) lurched forth, tromping over B'Donga and several others - who narrowly passed their pluck tests. 

The ape delivered his payload dangerously close to the shark infested waters. Here he stooped and taunted the marine carnivores who circled the isle hungrily. - a pastime which greatly amused his limited mind. 

Abdullah rebuked his crew for their failure to, as yet, deliver him upon the large island. 

Once again, the indefatigable Great Ape tore from his prodigious log-pile house leaving a trail of beslimed ground behind. The cannibals grinned at this valuable cargo that they would soon secure. 

In his passing, Kong had once more trodden on sable warriors who seemed immune - or strangely aroused themselves - by the heavy steps of this massive masculine monkey. 

In a show of insane bravery and unparalleled greed, Big Chief B'donga used his royal fly-whisk to stimulate the ape's nethers. All the while, tribesman Salami gyrated before the curvy fetish. 

Back on little island, emboldened by Kong's example, other gorillas ran forward to taunt the denizens of the deep. This one decided to fling his excess man fluid to inflame the shark's savagery. 

Standing too close to the shore, one pirate was mauled by a shark - whose rage could not be withheld. 

Slavers now thrust themselves forward at the great prize. 

As cannibals ran for their boats, arms and torsos dripping warm slime, the pheromone grenade was hurled. This drove Kong's mind into fresh spasms of engorged, bestial desire. 

The Great Ape burst forth ... swollen and potent ... 

... and made a sizeable double deposit - coating the hapless Sa'id the Bald. 

Now all combatants fled the smaller isle as the hoots of whistles had summoned the fiendish Mongo. This woefully backward primeval freak exploded from the jungle. He violently violated the nearest pirate releasing his cravings while crushing his foe. Mick fled with the screeches of Mongo in his ears. Any pirate bearing the precious cargo also ran to the jolly boats. 

With eyes stuck fast, hair matted and feet slipping, Sa'id the Bald made it back to the slaver's boats. All the Turks swarmed onto the land to hold up the cannibal attacks. 

B'Dongo himself surged down the slope, crashing his bulky form into the slavers. His heavily knotted club battered Abudullah's tulwar before the Slaving Bastard succumbed to the hammer blows. 

Assegai's and musket-balls whistled through the air ... the cannibals were emboldened by Abdullah's martial vigour and each seemed immune to the slavers desperate sabre cuts. 

And the result was ... catastrophic. Not only their leader but 5 other slavers perished in combat with only 3 natives. Their bloodied corpses slipped down the rocks and into the water. 

Every shark in the vicinity now crowded the shores, driven into a maddened blood ecstasy. 

Now Mick's pirates closed into melee with the cannibals. But the day grew short and the apes ardour waned. The spoils of war were safely in the arms, or sloshed into vessels, of each warband. 

The greatest treasure was secured by B'Donga (who had unfortunately died after performing a astonishing leap into a slaver boat only to be beheaded as he recovered) and his cannibals with three loads of Great Ape sediment. The double load was only just taken back to the Turkish galley by Sa'id the Bald - sole surviving slaver from Abdullah's crew. (The Slaving Bastard himself was possibly dragged off as a post-combat digestif.) Finally, two bundles of lesser ape freight made it to the jolly boats of Mick. 

Strangely, he was the only Captain to survive the battle ... 

thus - of course - ensuring a future encounter of depraved and rum deportment. 

 

A Return to 'In Her Majesties Name" (1st ed)

 Our first game of the year was ... IHMN. I really couldn't think of anything else to play as I was quite distracted and needed something light, fun and with little reading (to remind me of the rules.) 

My good friend Michael and I fumbled our way through a scenario. Usually we play with 4-6 players with IHMN so having a 1v1 game was a novelty. I chose a scenario from the book which involved killing the opposing leader. 

My company was the cult of Akhenaton and Mick chose 'Abdullah's Slaving Bastard's' - a company of my own concoction. 

The cult ran across the table shouting obsequies to their God and master. They braved the hail of bullets sent by the slavers trying to use the temple pillars for cover. Several fell but it was not the slavers night as dice deserted them and the cultists faith was rewarded. Abdullah fell to the poisoned blades of Sairah - the femme fatale assassin. 

Above Al-Hurun wields his wickedly sharp tulwar slashing at Akhenaton. 

Even the frenzied efforts of Al-Hurun (swordsman extraordinary) could not defeat the risen Pharaoh. Above shows Nectanebo the mummy trying to strangle a Baluchistan warrior with help from cultist Bedlam Bob.

IHMN Into the Desert or The Case of the Urchin

IHMN Into the Desert or The Case of the Urchin

The companies used were as follows. Please note that I believe in keeping armour low and only having a 2 characters per side with low pluck. Everyone should have a chance at killing everyone else and we all love an underdog. Players always cheer heartily when a lowly askari or bandit can rise to greatness through shrugging off attacks or felling a hero.

On the evening in question one of our usual players sickened with plague so the Cult did not enter the fray.

17 The Case of the Urchin’s Arse

Professor Hardwig’s Archaeological Dig
Name	FV	SV	Speed	Pluck	Talents	Equipment
Hardwig	+2	+2		4+		Sword, Pistol
O’Connell	+4	+2	+2	3+	Martial Arts, Tough, Duellist	Pistols, Combat Knife, Lined Coat
Old Tom	+2	+2		4+	Numb (Age)	Carbine, Combat Knife, Lined Coat
Timbo	+1	+2	+1	4+	Bayonet Drill	Military Rifle, Bayonet
8 Askari	+1	+2		5+		Carbine, Knife
The role of the Dig Team is to secure crates by dragging them to safety and keeping Hardwig alive. +2 VP per crate secured AND +5 VP if Hardwig survives. May not shoot Klinck, Dias or the porters.

Desert Bandits 1
Name	FV	SV	Speed	Pluck	Talents	Equipment
Tippu Tib	+4	+1	+2	3+	Tough	Sabre, Blunderbuss, Lined Coat
Kibonge	+3	+1	+1	4+	Terrifying, Fanatic	Halberd, Combat Knife, Pistol
8 Bandits	+2	+2		5+		Rifle, Sabre, Combat Knife
Klinck	+2	-	-	4+	May only defend.	Camera
2 Porters	+1	-	+2	5+
The role of the Bandits is to shoot Dig and Expeditionary forces. +1 VP per kill. +5 VP for Hardwig or Savage. (On the evening I removed the VP's for Savage's survival.)  Additionally to capture photographs of British forces fighting Bandits. +5 VP per photo from table.

Desert Bandits 2
Name	FV	SV	Speed	Pluck	Talents	Equipment
Rabeh Zubair	+3	+2	+1	3+	Tough, Fanatic	Two Handed Sabre, Pistol, Knife, Lined Coat
Al Hurun	+3	+1	+1	4+	Tough, Numb	Sabre, Buckler, Lined Coat, Pistol, Knife
8 Bandits	+2	+2		5+		Rifle, Sabre, Combat Knife
Dias	+2	-		4+	May only defend.	Camera
2 Porters	+1	-	+2	5+
The role of the Bandits is to shoot Dig and Expeditionary forces. +1 VP per kill. +5 VP for Hardwig or Savage. Additionally to capture photographs of British forces fighting Bandits. +5 VP per photo from table.

	Scotland Yard
Name	FV	SV	Speed	Pluck	Talents	Equipment
The Detective	+4	+1	+2	3+	Erudite Wit, Duelist	Sabre, Pistol, Lined Coat
His Chum	+2	+2	+1	4+	Bayonet Drill, Medic	Military Rifle, Lined Coat, Pistol, Bayonet
Officers (4)	+2	+1		4+		Lined Coat, Pistol, Baton
Officers (4)	+1	+2		4+		Lined Coat, Baton, Military Rifle
NB: No member of the Yard may shoot at any Desert Bandit. The role of the guard is to render unconscious to Expeditionary force. +1 VP per man. The Detective and his Chum may engage Klinck, Dias or the porters in hand to hand only. At this close range their disguises are revealed. +5 VP for Klinck or Dias or +1 per porter (+2 if has photo.) Deploys in Turn 2 via the Tunneller. May not surface within 6” of ruins (the Detective won’t do it.)

British Egyptian Expeditionary Force
Name	FV	SV	Speed	Pluck	Talents	Equipment
Savage	+3	+2	+1	3+	Inspirational, Numb	Lined Coat, Pistol, Knife, Sabre
Lacoste	+2	+2		4+	Fanatic
Boy	+1	+0	+2	5+	Numb	A Decanter
10 Askari	+1	+2		5+		Rifle, Knife
The role of the Force is to protect Professor Hardwig at all costs and shoot as many Bandits as feasible. Need to keep Savage alive - + 5 VP. (MINUS) -1 VP per bandit shot. May not shoot Klinck, Dias or the porters.

The Cult of Akhenaten
Name	FV	SV	Speed	Pluck	Talents	Equipment
Abir	+1	+1	+1	3+	Intuitive	Lined Coat, Pistol Ray of Ra (Spitfire) + Water Bullets
Sairah	+3	+3	+2	4+	Fanatic, Stealthy	Combat Knives + Throwing Knives (Poison)
4 Nubian Guardsmen	+3	+1		4+	Fanatic	Lined Coat, Scimitar, Muzzle Loading Rifle
5 Cultists	+1	+1		5+		Club or Pistol (see model)
Mummified Priest	+3	-	-	3+	Hands are clubs.	Wrappings (lined coat), Harden spell.
The role of the cult is to kill everyone. Can’t win – just here to wreck stuff. Cultists may deploy in Turn 2 within 3” of any sphinx on the table.

Last Tues evening saw a 5 player game of IHMN occur. Please read the written precursor to the game in the previous post as to what it was all about. We modify the rules slightly by moving two figures at a time per player to speed things up with so many and also by moving clockwise about the table from the person that rolled the highest initiative. 

The table was set out with rocky hills, scattered stands of palms, a hamlet and many Egyptian ruins. I really like the look of my desert terrain and one of the reasons I designed this scenario was to use it all once more. The companies were all designed by me. I tried to be reasonably fair - but rarely do I use the point system.I like armies that are dominated by "poor" troops - Pluck 5 was average. 

The Hardwig archaeologist expedition. They were vulnerable in the centre of the table but had good cover. The red counters represent boxes of treasure to be dragged off the table. 

The British Egyptian colonial force. They took to the table quickly eager to find and secure the Hardwig expedition and eradicate any threats. 

The Bandits of Rabeh Zubair deployed from the flank. Dias is shown here with two porters. His aim was to take pictures of the British aggressively attacking. We treated the photography as a missile attack needed 7+. 

The men of Scotland Yard arrived in a dramatic fashion and in disguise. 

Here are the bobbies of the Yard in mufti. Once combat was joined their wigs would fall off and their poor burnt cork blackening would be revealed. 

Other bandits crept between the ruins eager to set up a firing position to snipe the British. 

These bandits quickly engaged. The British proved only too willing attempting to overwhelm this attack with their superior numbers. 

The bandits relied on the Arabic superhero - Al Hurun - whose cutlass whirled about him cutting soldiers down. 

Dias tried again and again for a picture. 

The other Belgian agent - Klinck - approached with his camera and porters too. These swift natives were ready to run once an incriminating negative was secured. 

Here too, alas, a photo was not forthcoming. 

The Yard were now revealed and pounced on the British forces, not to kill but to subdue. This would prevent an international incident. 

Major Savage, British commander was beset by the Consulting Detective and Watson. His men fell quickly but his servant, Boy, held on with grit and determination. 

The Bandit leader, Kibonge, wielded his spear with deadly effect. 

Al Hurun continued to swing his sabre but was beginning to tire. Savage repeatedly threw men toward the Arabic superhero. 

Hardwig's men seemed paralysed for much of the game until a sudden burst of enthusiasm drove them from behind the hill they cowered behind. By this time the Bandit leader, Rabeh Zubair, has charged recklessly and did battle with a lone askari - who somehow managed to fend of the blows of his enormous curved blade. 

In a display of insurmountable courage - Boy (who has just smashed his only weapon - a decanter of scotch - over Watson's head without effect) - then used his drinks tray in a improvised fashion. He struck down Dr Watson to the delight of his master - Savage. (And resounding cheers from all players!) 

Bandits battled askari. The hero - O'Connell - proved a dangerous opponent once more with both pistols and fists. 

Dias lined up yet another attempted photo. 

Battle raged across the table as four companies engaged in bitter melee. 

At last! Dias secured a picture. But two of the Yard's finest were in pursuit. 

O'Connell safeguards the Egyptian artefacts but none are securely taken from the table. 

The posthumous hero of the hour - Boy. For his fortitude and exceptional bravery his was awarded the highest accolade for a man of colour - the Tin Watermelon. (I can't remember who won our other player award for best in game heroics - the Iron Turban. This can only be won by a figure with poor pluck, few weapons and no skills.) 

Dias urges on his porter to run for the table edge with the precious negative plate. The next game would see the British trying to secure this before it leaves the Dark continent. 

No doubt the men of the Yard will be playing a key role. Although Watson will have a ringing headache and a large indent in his forehead from a silver drinks platter.