It was more than rumour. Mick the One Armed, One Eyed, sexually predatorial pirate was in Port Royale. More than that he had coin, so much he had contracted a depraved crew and even paid for the ministrations of the lowly strumpets and pox-ridden rent boys that were his penchant.
Something was deeply amiss ...
(In IHMN terms, this game consisted of 3 warbands.
Each had a Captain (+3 FV, +2 SV Sword, Pistol or Assegai - 3+ Pluck),
a 1st Mate (+2 FV and SV, Sword, Pistol or Assegai. 4+ Pluck) and
9 crew (+1 FV and SV with Sword/Spear and Musket/Pistol, 5+ Pluck.)
Only the Captain and 1st mate could swim.)
It took little time to uncover that his continual odyssey to plunge to the deepest abyss of human degradation had borne unexpected fruit. Mick had uncovered a syrupy substance more precious than ambergris. The more mentally aberrant members of his crew readily divulged Mick's secrets and his dark perversions ... but - to the misfortune of a good many - these were already well known.
Mick set sail to an island normally shunned by all sane men - Monkey Island! This was home to simians of prodigious size whose lusts surpassed even the rapacious hunger of Mick. Somehow, he had divined methods to extract their male viscous bounty which was highly prized by alchemists.
Mick was pursued by Abudullah. the Slaving Bastard. and also King B'Donga. the Cannibal Chief of the M'Bopo River. Each had their own ways to extract the luxuriant liquid - using pheromone grenades and whistles to mimic she-apes in the dire throws of heat. Further, a corpulent idol depicting a voluptuous feminine form was the subject of the Great Apes repeated advances. King B'Dongo hoped debased, lascivious dancing before this idol would produce the required effects.
The slaving bastards heaved to on their oars, plying the shark infested waters. One boat headed for the isle of the Great Ape (Kong) while the other headed for the island of lesser beasts. However, dark legends told that this bejungled rock was home to a brute more bestial than any creature ...
... the sadistic Mongo!
Slavers struck forth blowing whistles. Soon the foliage resounded with the hoots of aroused monsters.
The cannibals surge onto the Isle of the Great Ape.
Several cannibals discharged their muskets in a long range duel with Mick's pirates.
Mick's pirates amassed on the lesser island.
Then, a savage and turgid ape burst from the shrubbery showering spunk as he gibbered victoriously at the accomplishment of his passion.
Elsewhere, natives writhed in lascivious coils before the corpulent mistress. The Great Ape (Kong) lurched forth, tromping over B'Donga and several others - who narrowly passed their pluck tests.
The ape delivered his payload dangerously close to the shark infested waters. Here he stooped and taunted the marine carnivores who circled the isle hungrily. - a pastime which greatly amused his limited mind.
Abdullah rebuked his crew for their failure to, as yet, deliver him upon the large island.
Once again, the indefatigable Great Ape tore from his prodigious log-pile house leaving a trail of beslimed ground behind. The cannibals grinned at this valuable cargo that they would soon secure.
In his passing, Kong had once more trodden on sable warriors who seemed immune - or strangely aroused themselves - by the heavy steps of this massive masculine monkey.
In a show of insane bravery and unparalleled greed, Big Chief B'donga used his royal fly-whisk to stimulate the ape's nethers. All the while, tribesman Salami gyrated before the curvy fetish.
Back on little island, emboldened by Kong's example, other gorillas ran forward to taunt the denizens of the deep. This one decided to fling his excess man fluid to inflame the shark's savagery.
Standing too close to the shore, one pirate was mauled by a shark - whose rage could not be withheld.
Slavers now thrust themselves forward at the great prize.
As cannibals ran for their boats, arms and torsos dripping warm slime, the pheromone grenade was hurled. This drove Kong's mind into fresh spasms of engorged, bestial desire.
The Great Ape burst forth ... swollen and potent ...
... and made a sizeable double deposit - coating the hapless Sa'id the Bald.
Now all combatants fled the smaller isle as the hoots of whistles had summoned the fiendish Mongo. This woefully backward primeval freak exploded from the jungle. He violently violated the nearest pirate releasing his cravings while crushing his foe. Mick fled with the screeches of Mongo in his ears. Any pirate bearing the precious cargo also ran to the jolly boats.
With eyes stuck fast, hair matted and feet slipping, Sa'id the Bald made it back to the slaver's boats. All the Turks swarmed onto the land to hold up the cannibal attacks.
B'Dongo himself surged down the slope, crashing his bulky form into the slavers. His heavily knotted club battered Abudullah's tulwar before the Slaving Bastard succumbed to the hammer blows.
Assegai's and musket-balls whistled through the air ... the cannibals were emboldened by Abdullah's martial vigour and each seemed immune to the slavers desperate sabre cuts.
And the result was ... catastrophic. Not only their leader but 5 other slavers perished in combat with only 3 natives. Their bloodied corpses slipped down the rocks and into the water.
Every shark in the vicinity now crowded the shores, driven into a maddened blood ecstasy.
Now Mick's pirates closed into melee with the cannibals. But the day grew short and the apes ardour waned. The spoils of war were safely in the arms, or sloshed into vessels, of each warband.
The greatest treasure was secured by B'Donga (who had unfortunately died after performing a astonishing leap into a slaver boat only to be beheaded as he recovered) and his cannibals with three loads of Great Ape sediment. The double load was only just taken back to the Turkish galley by Sa'id the Bald - sole surviving slaver from Abdullah's crew. (The Slaving Bastard himself was possibly dragged off as a post-combat digestif.) Finally, two bundles of lesser ape freight made it to the jolly boats of Mick.
Strangely, he was the only Captain to survive the battle ...
thus - of course - ensuring a future encounter of depraved and rum deportment.
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